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About The upper left edge. (Cannon Beach, Or.) 1992-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 1, 1993)
Dear U ncle M ike , LX jvs tin » - r e a l l y go ( a s te r wh»n y o u 'r e h a v in g tu n ? -----S h e lle y in lfc*»J K i w i L SV E l n S O P tk) H IP FRA W 4500 2 J 54 2S4 22b 7 1669 9 9 ’’ 3192 4142 Dear S h e lle y , I t depends on what you c a l l tu n . [V a t U n cle Mix»-, Ytju mad«- a n a s ty c ro c k la s t ft n t h about guys in D ockeri t a - jt in g d r u m and lo o k in g t o r th e w a r r io r w i t h i n . What e x a c t ly is w rong, uh g u ru , w ith men g e t t in g in t.x x rh w ith th e s p i r i t o f t h e i r m a s c u lin ity ? Time s l u t s w ith v e l o c i t y :»>, s t r i c t l y s p a k in g (and va? s h o u ld ) , i t p*:.s»-s fa s t e s t f o r th o s e s ta n d in g p e r f e c t l y s t i l l . H ir e c o r r e c t l y , s in c e tim e i s in e x t r i c a b l y lin k e d t o e v e n ts (or changes m s p a c e ), a b s o lu te la ck ■ i n i t m i (o u tla w e d s in c e 1905) w >uld o ccu r o n ly in th e c o m p le te a b - scenae o f tim e . In th e r e a l w o r ld , i f tim e goes f a s t e s t when y o u 'r e h a v in g fu n , th o s e e n jo y in g th e m s e lv e s th e n t are h u rn a c le s . tXi 11, y e s , but t h e r e ' a b r ig h t s id e . S in ce mass in c re a s e s w ith v e h v i t y , i t you jog you can lo s e va -ig h t by s to p p in g . -----A l m A s to r ia Dear A l, U n cle Mik« s c a r c e ly kra>ws where t o b e g in . F i r s t o f f , wv must d i s t in g u is h betw een your avowed s e a rc h fo r s p i r i t u a l il l u m i n a t i o n and pou n d in g on a s to re tx x e jh t drum m h o p 's o f r e le a s in g a r o m a n tic iz e d m ale a re h e ty p ? . T h is v is io n q u e s t s t u f f can be t r i c k y , A l, m l y»>u r e a l l y went t o do y o u r homework. I I we can b e lie v e - 2 ,0 0 0 y e a rs o f te s tim o n y l/y an im - p io s s iv c - a rra y o f m y s tic s , o n e 's s p i r i t u a l e s sence is n o t gender s p e c i f i c . C o n tr a r y t o what c e r t a in d e c o n s tr u c t io n i s t f e m in is t s ami R obert B ly m ig h t t e l l y o u , th e n - a re no tr iy s p i r i t s and g i r l s p i r i t s . TYx-re a re o n ly , d epen ding on how you lo o k a t th in g s , s h in in g s t a r s and te a r d r o p s fro m th e eye o f God. g iv in g on t o th e w o rld o f fo rm , i f ta -a tin g drums w ith your f e llo w WASP d o n ’ t wannabes g e t3 y u f f , A l, U n c le M ike w iu ld be th e la s t p e r son t o s ta n d in y o u r way, o r even near yo u . I t ’ s ju s t t h a t he h a te s t o see a f u l l grown human im agine t h j t g e t t in g to g e th e r once a w»*ek t o evoke a v is io n he had a f t e r seeing fiances W ith W)lv« w i l l somehow save th e p la n e t. I t 's d o u b t f u l i t w i l l even save your m a rria g e . As someone must have s a id , i t ' s e a s ie r f o r a t r i b e o f nomads t o s l i p th ro u g h th e eye o f a n e e d le th a n t o r a m a rk e tin g nunager t o g e t in t o heaven w ith h is drum . Dear U n c i" M ik e , is C A r E 3766 y 2 3 0 - 1 ¿31 Some year« ago. B ill James proposed • leader e n t e in protect timed *1 atandardiaing p it c h .« «ottona in M th e em lica l torma That it. pick a pitcher then a in g n « »«lue to each of hia rhar acter ittic a of delivery lor ina lance leg Kick non» ....................... 0 ■ light I (high up. knee out ........... ...... 2 thigh up. knee bent .............. 3 log oul. knee straight ...... 4 Juan Marichal ... 10 and <o forth. (or stretch. overhand vs «idoai a . follow through etc W ith all of these data, he would feed hia computer and a aabi a e iric image would result The purpoee of (h it haa alwaya eluded me I have « very clear imago of Fergie Jenkins foaating on my beloved Cardinals (or many year« Six twenty win season! with soar» woeful Cuba team« (Knock it off. H illy: you know I l a t r u e ) A llawleas delivery, second only to Seever. a Click ling lu t b a ll with Gibson lik e movement Plus above average breaking stu ff, foe a right hander And he could knock out the clutch hit now and then too There 1 a difference betw een a philosophy and a bum per sticker Charles M Shultz Is h o m o s e x u a lity g e n e t ic a lly d e te rm in e d , or i t a b e h a v io r? — T in a in P o rtla n d B ill James make« tome peculiar commend about Jenkina He lumps Jenkina. Catfish Hunter, and Robin Roberta in one mass His criteria? A) Outstanding Delivery O K . Fergie was good but Hunter could paint the black w ithin a quarter inch, and pitch, any inning, any game Sure. Jenkina only had 997 career walks, but if you had Cubs and Ranger« defense« behind you for most of your career you d tend to groove (hem. too. right? Which brings up Item HI Very high number of heaaa runs allowed. Jenkina pitched moetly in W ngley; Hunter pitched in Oakland and Yanl.ee Stadium C) Medium range strikeouts Ferguson Jenkina ia ninth all time with 3192 K a T h ia i t not m ediu m ian g e Neither waa hia life His auither went blind giving him b irth She died of cancer whan he waa in his teens He marries and father a a child Dear T in a , Hia wife dies in an auto accident in U ncle M ik e 's w i l d l y u n q u a lif ie d o p in io n , yes and no. ow ing t o th e re c e n t d is c o v e r y o f v a r ia t io n s in a s m a ll s t r u c t u r e o f th e b r a in s between homel and h e te ro s e x u a l men, and s tu d ie s in d ic a t in g th a t th e r a t i o o f h e te r o - t o tx m s e x u a ls c r o s s - c u l t u r a l l y has rem ained h i s t o r i c a l l y c o n s ta n t a t about 1 :9 w ould seem t o in d ic a te some d i s t i n c t i o n m o u r g e n e tic hardw are th a t p r e d is pose:; us t o c e r t a in d a tin g h a b its . U n c le Mik»- a ls o b e lie v e s , on th e b a s is o f p 'r s o n a l o b s e r v a tio n , th a t homosexual and b i s e x u a l b e h a v io r can a r is e frix n th e s o ftw a re o f o u r e x p e rie n c e . W»- a l l need t o lo ve anti be lo v e d and s e x u a lit y i s n o t b ip o la r so much as i t ' s a :;¡» c tru m . Though n o t a l l lo v e is s e x u a l, and not a l l sex is lo v a b le , th e tw o a re o ld and in tim a te com panion s. Men and wi»r»-n, on th e o th e r hand, rx/w c ro s s tlx s tr e e t t o a v o id each o t h e r . Sex, f o r most w r e n , i s an a c t o f t r u s t . I t i s no lo n g e r fashi<m at>le f o r women t o t r u s t men, even when th e y d e s e rv e i t . As fo r men, b e in g lo a th e o b je c t s (one s te p down fro m success o b je c ts ) does n o th in g t o s p u r a c ts o f c o u r t l y lo v e . Sex w it h out lo v e is h o llo w b u t i t ' s im p o s s ib le t o lo v e xxneone y o u ’ re a f r a i d o f . W re n fe a r men ph ys i c a l l y , men fe a r women e m o tio n a lly , b o th f o r good re a s o n . I t ' s ha rd t o see how we g e t t o r e s p - c t a irin g e q u a ls fro m h e re . When wrmen txjy guns and men h id e t h e i r emo t i o n a l gonads, U ncle M ike i s n o t s u r p r is e d t o see th e w a lk in g wounded e x p lo r in g s e x u a l a l t e r n a tiv e s t o d o c t r i n a l tre n c h w a r fa r e . He gets busted going into Canada lor an infinitesim al amount of cocaine, delaying h it election to the Hall of Fame MIKE'S HIKE SHOE (5 0 3 ) 430 1200 » ’< r.o n o \ s it t .uvu*i n~* b. itti 97110 His doee friends say he ia amasingly H able in ip ite of thia He haa maintained h it religion without auccumbing to despair or tealo(ry and it very active in community protects Thia man it in the Hall of Fame Next month Reggie Jackson February Quia " H t did n 't t u ; ‘al dente. ' did k » 7 " DON PETRIE'S ITALIAN FOOD COMPANY 613NW Third 265 FOOD Nye Beach, Newport Serving M Of Clatsop County Since 1976 Counseling Psychotherapy kxkvtdvcUs. Couples & Families 436-9225 • Design • Construction "Cometol Landscape Spectator* 861 -1468 WoWvngton Stale l«.en»e • Irrigation • Rockertee « Sod & Seed Lawns • Retaining W ale • W ater Feature* • Native end Ornamental Plenfng • Tractor Services (50 3 ) 4 3 6 283 2 239 N HEMLOCK • P 0 BOX 906 CANNON BEACH. OR 97110 I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Oeaor liceo*» ¿X. : 43fc ■ Is ■ phone num ber bi ra il In confess ■ your sins. Yoe m n alsn listen Io (he sins of others. 1) I.ease a message of jo u r sins. 2) ( all bark and du rin g the opening message punrh in 5 3 7 ,.. wait a sec . . , then I . Sow w ail (ill (he (ape rewinds. (W e gel up Io 30-50 rails a week so be p atien l). I f ,o u get bored h il 7 Io skip through message Io the nest one. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . J la) How many atichea on a baaaball? b) How many teams? 2) In 1944. Braves RH seta a Ml. record for (ewest pitches In a game shutting out Cincinnati 2 0 How many? a)36 b)49 c)5® d )66 3) Who am 1? 297 Lifetime. Dodgers one year fielding leader. CF So. after one game. Stengai goes nuta and fires ma I have to charter my own plane to get home This other passenger gets on my nerves, I start to brawl, and the co pilot brains b m w ith a fire extinguisher and killa me 4) Who ia thia? In 1959. I hit 255 with 14 HR and 44 RBIa I was despondent, and requested and waa granted a 201 salary decreaae In I9 6 0 I h it 275 with 17 HR and 63 RBIa. with increases In hits. 2Ba. runs, and SBa I was 39 year« old VICTOR H. PLUCY. ITI.A ( A H O i Ì à H M O ,- tw < T la st November. Ferguson Jenkins' ('.ir lit tend took hia child, drove to a Wheatfield, and ran a vacuum cleaner into the car and gassed her salt and the child to death j ~ | ■ a | | | •hint Preacher Roe - ’ I pitch him four wide one« and then I try to pick him off firs t base * And now. a NEW FEATUREI As you recall, last issue I waa lamenting the atate of Minor league Baaebail. Send me your beat Minor league atory from your childhood Maybe we II even try to contact the tubiectal Kind of a 'Glory of Their Timee* with a b it leas glory Mr Baaebail P 0 Box 664 Tolovana Park. Or 97145 No winners laal month Last Month 11 Sandy Koulax 2) Jim Kail 3 1 D enton T ru e Young 4) W hitey Ford 5) Ducky Medwick 6) Bonus -Donnie Moore